Tainted Black - Williams Shanora - Страница 67

That day, I could read him like a book. The way he laughed, the way he smiled and still listened to me, I knew he’d always be there. I knew his love for me would always live in his heart, just as my love for him would. It would never change, and it would never fade.

We loved each other as we did during the beginning, wholly and compassionately, and I couldn’t complain, bitch, or whine because that was the way it should have remained.

“I’m moving to San Francisco with her tomorrow,” Theo told me.

“Then what in the hell are you doing here?”

He shrugged. “I won’t be back to Bristle Wave. I needed to see you one more time, make sure we were okay.”

I didn’t know whether to smile or cry at his response. I rubbed my arm nervously, and he stepped forward. “Don’t worry,” he murmured. “I will behave.” He smirked, and I knew he was teasing me. I knew he’d behave. He had no choice. I had no choice. “You’re happy, Knight. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” His eyes were soft. Something about his gentle smile and the way he looked at me made a stray tear drift down my cheek.

I nodded. “It’s all I ever wanted for you, too,” I whispered.

His boyish smile tickled my heart. “Can we take a walk?” He bobbed his head, gesturing towards the beach. I glanced back, listening to the seagulls caw, the familiar waves crashing from a short distance.

“Sure,” I murmured.

He was excited. I could tell, but he kept himself on a leash. He didn’t dare get too close, and though our hands bumped, we didn’t bother trying to hold onto that sensation. Believe me, it was hard, and I felt even walking with him was wrong, but as we created this one last memory together, something phenomenal occurred.

I realized that we were exactly what he wanted us to be… Okay.

We talked and caught up on almost everything. About my dad passing and how he still thought of Janet from time to time. How he didn’t blame her or allow the truths to ruin what he remembered about her. He loved her. And I was glad he could forgive and forget.

But most of all, he understood my struggle in the end. I didn’t have to tell him how hard it was to walk away because he could see it right on my face as I explained how tough it was to finish college. He accepted my sacrifice, and he took it for what it was. That was proof enough that he’d become someone better.

I’d always heard that it took men longer to mature than women. Theo wasn’t fully mature when we’d first met or even when we’d first slept together. I could tell he used to want so much more out of life during those times after Janet died, but something had obviously shifted deep within him. After losing two loves, I was sure he was making the third one count… his third luck charm as he put it.

He wasn’t going to take advantage of his new wife. I knew that for sure.

He vowed to love her, cherish her, and make her feel like the greatest woman in the world, and I knew he’d keep those promises because that was exactly how he made me feel five years ago.

He made me feel like the sweetest and most beautiful girl in the world. He made me feel like his one and only. He told me I was his knight in shining armor. He still thanked me for saving him and swore he would never be able to repay that debt.

See, Theo Black no longer lived by the darkness of his last name.

His life was no longer chaos. It was no longer a dark, tainted catastrophe. His daughter had forgiven him. He saw her once every week and said she still treated him the same, no longer bringing up the past or his mistakes.

I guess I could say Izzy and I were… fine. If that’s what I could call it. I’d received a letter from Izzy in my P.O. box one day. It showed up a few days after my dad died. Only Izzy knew about the P.O. box. She’d used it once before when she bought a naughty toy she was ashamed of people seeing.

The letter read:

Chloe,

Don’t write me black. Please, just don’t.

I want you to read this, and then I want you to forget about me. I want you to know that I love you and that you will always remain a sister in my heart. All the other girl friends I meet will have to live up to what I saw in you, and that will be hard to do. Why? Because you are the sweetest person I know, and all those cruel things were wrong of me to say. You are nothing like your mom.

I had no right to judge. Instead, I should have taken the time to listen and understand the situation. But I was young and immature, and I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you. I know I should be saying this in person, but forgive me right now because I just can’t bear to see you.

Maybe I’m a coward. A chicken. Maybe it’s my pride, or perhaps it’s the guilt I feel about all those hateful things, but I am so sorry, and I want you to know that you are not a bad person and that I don’t blame my dad for falling for you.

I mean, I kinda always knew, but when you really love someone and don’t want to lose them, you defend that person in every way. You shield and blind yourself from the truth. You only seem to see the good in them and overlook the bad. I knew it the day after my mom died. I saw you help my dad in the garage. I heard you leave, and I saw the way he looked at you and how you looked at him. I thought you were only helping, but now that I think about it all, I knew it deep down.

I just hope you can understand why I can’t face you on this. I love my dad, and in order to keep my relationship with him steady, I have to move forward without you in my life. I’m a stubborn little bitch, and you know this. LOL. I suck at keeping my mouth shut, and I would feel really, really weird about my dad still sleeping with you if you were still my friend. Not that I don’t have respect for you, I just can’t handle something that intense. You may not think of it this way, but I think of it as my sister sleeping with our dad. Ew

What you two do now is none of my business, but I know you. I know you won’t go back. Not because you don’t love him—which, I know you really do—but because you care about me and never meant to hurt me to begin with. I know things happen, and I want you to know I am glad that I could grow up with an amazing person like you. It’s hard to come across friends like you, Chloe, but remember that I love you and if we happen to cross paths one day, I won’t hold anything against you.

I love you, and I hope you can understand my decisions.

So much love,

Izzy

Her letter was understandable. It made me shed way too many tears and was worse when Sterling read it to me again out loud, but I understood and respected Izzy’s decision.

I loved Theo, and she knew, but when it came down to the wire, she also had to choose, and she chose her father. It was a good choice. I would have hated to be what came between them. A dad was much easier to forgive than a friend. Every girl needed her dad, especially Izzy. He was all she had left.

This, too, was okay because Theo and I had chosen her. She deserved happiness, even if that meant losing some. Sterling thought her letter was a bit selfish, and that after ten years of friendship, I deserved a face-to-face apology, but I didn’t expect that from her. I knew Izzy.

Yes, she had a lot of pride and refused for her ego to be tampered with. There were times when I would have to be the one to apologize when she was the one that was clearly in the wrong. But she was my friend, and in order to get past something, I became the bigger person and stepped up to the plate.

I was glad she chose her father.

And I was glad we chose her.

We were all happy in our own ways.

Theo and I walked until the sun set, and when it was time for him to go, I watched him hop on his bike and ride with the wind. I watched him go until I could no longer see him or hear the growl of Ol’ Charlie.